Quarter Life and Existential Crises

Written By Junxiu Lu

I think that everyone goes through this, especially during transitional times in their lives. For me I had two massive transitions at 18 and 24. When I compare my personal timeline with my mates, who average 5 years older than I am, I go through my existential crisis much earlier than expected. At 18, it was my high school graduation compounded with being forced to leave the only place I have known as home. At 24, it was sick for three months with glandular fever compounded by a decision to walk away from my first job, and possibly moving countries once again.

In both instances, I can tell you that I became a recluse. I read more and I leaned on all the online personality tests there are available. I needed to quantifiably understand “what was wrong with me” or “why I am the way I am”. Obviously now I know that there is nothing wrong with me. But I did have to dig deep, do the shadow work, and really get to know myself, how to deal with myself, and how I fit into our society and planet.

To my understanding, from all the personality tests that I have taken, I am weird, I am an outlier. Is it because of the way I grew up? Is it my soul purpose? Is it nature or nurture? Either way, science explained things nicely for me. And until I understood my “type”, compared and contrasted with all the different tests out there, I did try to fit into the typical every day nine to five mould. But since exploring this and that, I have zero clucks left to give and operate in a way that fuels my creativity and my productivity.

This is the weird shirt that I do:

  1. I work really well on a 36 hour day. I enjoy long days behind the computer researching and typing. And then I really enjoy the 12-16 hour sleep that happens after. When I am not expected at meetings, I prefer to do this. When I do have to be a normal, I still have the tendency to sleep 4-11am, give or take. I enjoy and thrive in the cover of darkness.

  2. I follow the moon cycles as much as I can; mainly paying my tribute to the new and full moons. New Moon is for planting new ideas. Waxing Moon is for action and tasks. Full Moon is for letting go of things that are not quite working and when the magic happens. Waning Moon is for contemplating, resting, and recharging.

  3. I frequently fast. I used to jokingly tell people “stay hungry, stay alert” but I am glad to read that there is actual science behind this.

  4. I avoid people as much as I can. I am very careful about when, who, and how much time I spend with someone.

And if you are wondering, these are the boxes that I fall into when taking personality tests*.

Most of these are free with the option to upgrade. I recommend for you to pay for the upgrade for at least one of them. If I had to choose which one gave me the most insight I would have to say it was a combination of StrengthsFinder and Enneagram.

In addition to getting some psychology to reason away the multiple crises I went through, I read and would recommend the following books as well.

  1. Search within Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan

  2. Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani

  3. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

  4. Start with Why by Simon Sinek

  5. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

And lastly, seek professional help. There is no shame in having a therapist. And if you can’t afford one, spill your guts to strangers (especially if you are travelling) because who cares if they judge you, you won’t see them again.

*If you have not already figured out, I get very Analytical (#4 in my StrengthsFinder) about anything and everything that I do. So when it came to personality tests, I honestly had to do all of them because I think that each has its merits and only the repeated common themes amongst all of them must hold true.

Junxiu Lu
Previous

Are you Anybody, Somebody, Everybody, or Nobody?
Next

The Internet is Your Oyster